Your Other Half
by moreofthesame
Summary: When you've spent a lifetime pretending to be who you needed to be, can anyone else know which one is you? Can you? HG\MM, established relationship.


A/N: This is my first story, so if you choose to review, please try and be kind. I do appreciate constructive criticism. This wasn't beta read, so any mistakes are mine. If you see a mistake, even a little one, please let me know. English isn't my first language, so these aren't typos but actual mistakes, and this is how I learn. This is angst, and there's no happy ending - you've been warned.

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe belongs to J. K. Rowling and a bunch of others who are making profits from this amazing story, I just do it for fan.

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**Your Other Half**

* * *

Hermione watched her wife from afar, knowing she shouldn't approach her, they already spent too much time together tonight, stealing her from her current conversation might raise suspicions. Knowing did nothing to calm down the need to be near her wife, tough.

Hermione hated these functions. They had agreed long ago that going public with their relationship would be a bad idea. Both of them had an image to maintain in the public's eyes. The wizarding world might have been more accepting of same sex relationships than the muggle world, but not when it came to two of it's greatest icons. And there was the security issue, at least back then.

They started dating not long after the war ended. None of them thought love could grow out of the friendship they were beginning to form. Minerva was busy rebuilding Hogwarts, of course. She offered Hermione, along with anyone else who missed their finale year to come back to Hogwarts for another year, but Hermione wanted to move on. She still had to take her NEWTs, which the ministry scheduled to the end of the summer, in order to give the survivors time to prepare, so they figured out a plan. On the days, Hermione helped rebuilding, and on the evening Minerva would help her prepare for her tests.

Neither of them could point out the exact moment their friendship turned into something more, but two month later they went on their first date. There were a lot of death eaters still free, so they kept it quiet, not wanting their mutual connecting placing the other at risk. They married a year later, in a small ceremony in front of family and close friends, but as far as the rest of the world was concerned, they were both still single. Which was why now, two years down the road, she was at a ministry ball, watching her wife from afar.

Minerva was as formidable as ever, the strict headmistress of Hogwarts, always maintaining appropriate distance. Tall, elegant, almost too thin despite Hermione's constant efforts to make her eat more regularly. And she looked lonely. If she hadn't known the truth she would have bought the act. In fact, Hermione realized, she was buying the act. Her heart went out to her wife, wishing to relieve the pressure from her shoulders, the sadness from her eyes.

Then anger started boiling in her stomach. Why did she look so sad? They were happy together. They were in love, have been for three years now. Most of the time she wanted to burst out laughing from the amount of happiness she was feeling, so how comes that in three years of a relationship there was no change in Minerva's appearance and behavior? Did she really not matter to her? She looked at Minerva again, but nothing has change, she was still talking, still herself, the way she has always been. It was too much. Seeing her like that, knowing that right here, right now she wasn't her wife, wasn't hers to have and hold, but everyone else's. She needed to get away from here. In a quick gait she crossed the hall, stepped outside and apparated home.

* * *

Minerva looked around the hall. It was getting late, they should be going home, but she couldn't find Hermione anywhere. They couldn't apparate together of course, but normally when either of them wanted to go they would give the other a sign, so they could follow a few minutes later. It wasn't like Hermione to leave without telling her.

She took one final look across the hall and decided to go home. It was quite obvious Hermione was no longer there.

* * *

"Hermione?" she called out when she entered their house. She was getting worried by the minute, the house was mostly darkened, there was no food in the oven and no sound of anyone being inside. Then she heard voices from the bathroom. She walked over and knocked on the door. "Hermione? Are you there? Is everything Ok?" for a moment she heard nothing, then she could hear someone moving inside, the fossil turned on, then off, and the door opened, revealing her wife, with puffy eyes and a red nose. Obviously she had been crying. "Hey, are you ok? What's wrong?" she reached her hand to tuck a stray curl behind her ear but Hermione's voice stopped her. "Don't." she looked at her wife, confusion written on her face. "Don't play with me." Now Minerva was getting really worried. "Hermione, what's wrong?"

"Did you ever love me? Or was it all just an act? What was it for you- a game? See for how long you can fool silly little me?"

"What- Hermione, of course I love you, what are you talking about?" she made another attempt to take her wife's hand in hers, but it just made Hermione move farther away, and into the living room. "You know what I'm talking about, that act you've put up for the last three years!" she was screaming now, tears streaming down her face. Minerva was at a loss for words. They were having a fight, apparently, but she had no idea what about.

"Hermione, please, I don't understand what you're talking about. Let's just- let's sit down and talk, tell me what's wrong." There was panic rising in her voice know. Whatever it was that got Hermione so distressed was obviously something she did. She started leading to the living room, hoping Hermione will follow, and stopped in front of an armchair.

Hermione looked at her wife from the other side of the room, there was worry written all over her face and a tingle of fear in her eyes. She felt like all the anger that built up in her stomach for the last hour had just burst out and left her empty, like a depleted balloon. She collapsed on the sofa across of Minerva and started sobbing. At that Minerva set down next to her and scooped her into her arms. Hermione tried to pull away but this time Minerva was ready. She held her tight and whispered to her ear "you don't get to run away from me without an explanation. And you don't get to sit alone in the dark and cry. We are married. I'm here, for better and for worse. Please, talk to me."

"I don't know who you are." Hermione pulled away to look at Minerva's eyes. "One minute you're my wife, and the next you're headmistress McGonagall. In here you love me, but outside you're indifferent and distance. And I thought I knew which one was really you, but now I'm not so sure." Minerva was stunned by her words, and Hermione took the opportunity and got up and away from her. She walked to the window and stared out into the darkness, which seemed to fit her emotions so well tonight.

"I love you" it was barely a whisper, Minerva having finally started coming out of the numb state she retreated to upon hearing her wife's words. "I just- I love you." She seemed unable to say anything else, her mind stuck on these three words, hoping they would make it better, hoping she could convince her wife of the sincerity behind them.

"How do you know? How do you know which one is you? 'cause at times I think even you can't tell the difference." There was no accusation in her voice, just a sad, desperate plea for the truth.

"I… I'm not sure what you want me to say, Hermione." She sighed, a look of defeat in her eyes.

"The truth, Minerva. For once just say what you feel instead of what's expected of you. I want the truth." Hermione's eye bore unto her, searching, and Minerva's heart contracted in pain. She was telling the truth. "I love you! That's my truth, why are you even questioning that?"

"Because you don't Minerva. Because you walk around this world looking like you always have. Proud and tall and lonely and beautiful and sad. Because you look so lonely and miserable I want to take you in my arms and promise you I'll never leave, only I already did!" there's a sound coming out of her mouth, like the wail of a wounded animal, and she collapse to the floor, sobbing. Minerva starts moving towards her, but Hermione's lifted hand stops her, so she sits down next to her instead.

"I thought we agreed to keep this quite. I thought you were ok with it." Her voice is soft, pleading. "But we can talk about this, Hermione, I love you, we can figure it out together." Hermione started shaking her head from side to side, which only prompt Minerva to continue, trying to convince her "look, if you don't want to keep it a secret anymore, its ok. I don't care what they'll say; I'll quit my job if I had to. But its goanna have a bigger effect on you, your future. Whatever you decide is ok with me, but you have to know that I love you. Please tell me you know that."

"You still don't get it. It's not about who knows, it's about how you feel. How is it so easy for you to pretend we're not together?"

There was a moment's silence. "It isn't. But I've been hiding who I am for decades now, it has become a second nature… it may not take me as much effort as it does you, but that doesn't mean I don't love you!"

"Except that it does Minerva. You've been wearing that persona for so long it has become a part of you. And at first I just wanted you to let me in, so that I can see the person behind it, but now I realize that's all I got. I got that part of you that you keep hidden away, but it's in so deep it'll never effect who you are most of the time, you'll never let it. I could love and marry you, but I could never erase the sadness from your eyes, make you smile in the middle of the day when I'm not even there, or whistle as you walk down a Hogwarts corridor. I could never make you feel less alone in this world."

"But you do, all the time. When we're together its like-"

"And when we aren't? What does it feel like then?"

"…" Minerva opened her mouth to answer but there were no words coming out of it. There was no need for them, though, as the question had been rhetorical.

"Because I still love you when you're away. And sometimes it hurts like hell not being able to be near you, but most of the time I'm just happy, and thankful. That I met you, that you let me in, that we're still together, still happy. Most of the time it feels good, being in love with you, but for you it doesn't. So I ask myself, do you really love me? Or are you just pretending out of convenience? Maybe you're even fooling yourself." She looks up at her wife.

Minerva is silent. Her eyes wide in shock, her face a mask of horror. Hermione waits a few seconds but there are no words left in Minerva's mouth. Her last few sentences had stolen the very earth from beneath her feet.

"I thought so. I'll be at Harry and Ginny's tonight. I'll come back tomorrow to pick up the rest of my stuff." And with that she gets up and away from her wife, leaving the woman who had given her entire heart away to her, only to find out she kept another to herself.


End file.
